Confession

Confession
By: Kristian Gore

So what would you like to hear? Do you want to know why? I don’t think you could understand why. Maybe I should tell you how many? I couldn’t begin to tell you that. Why not ask an alcoholic how many times he’s been drunk? I suppose I could start from the beginning but what is the beginning? When I was born? The first time I felt the life drain from another living thing?

I guess a good place to start would be my own childhood. I was bathed in hate, and I grew to love it. I won’t bore you with details but it was something that fueled my hatred of life. I enjoyed bullying the other kids but it was never enough. I needed to inflict more suffering. Finally I was able to get the rush I needed, I was able to feel the life drain from another living thing.

I never felt anything like it before. I was ten years old and the bird was wounded. It was a pigeon and it couldn’t fly and it couldn’t outrun me. It didn’t do anything to me, I had nothing against it and I felt nothing when I tormented it. I hit it with a broomstick, and I made sure it didn’t die quickly. I got to see it die with its little brain on the ground. I didn’t feel much for it, only a thrill and no sympathy.

It was a few years later when I got that feeling again but this time was different. This time it was a cat. I coaxed it over to me and squeezed it tight. It dug its claws into me as it struggled to breath and then I eased up but not enough for it to get away. It squirmed in my hands digging its claws in my flesh as I again squeezed it hard watching its eyes. I watched the life drain slowly from its eyes and it felt fucking amazing.

Now the part I know you wanted to hear. I was seventeen when I killed a person. I guess you would call it a person anyway, but then who cares about homeless people. Are they really people? Anyway I found him sleeping under a bridge. I watched him off and on for a week before I finally had the courage to make my move and when I did I knew there was no going back.

I tried to be quiet but I couldn’t control my breathing. He woke with a start as I was upon him. His eyes flashed fear and anger as they settled on the aluminum softball bat. I swung and he blocked it with his forearm. I heard the sound of his bones breaking and crunching with each swing of the bat. I felt his skull crack at the end of my bat and the blood sprayed with each swing.

It was brutal and the blood dripped down my face. When it was over I felt powerful but I had only just scratched the surface. Blood was in my eyes and I tasted it on my lips. The smell, the taste and the feeling of power was intoxicating. I ran my hands over my face to feel the blood on my fingers and to feel the slick fluid glide across my cheeks.

It didn’t last long enough and so I was left standing there covered in blood knowing that I had to clean up quickly. I was such a mess back then. I cleaned up and I dumped the body in the water but I was stupid. The only reason I got away with it was because people don’t care about the homeless. I got better over the years and it was only a fluke that you have me sitting here now.

After that kill I learned to prolong the death and make the thrill last. I took to cutting my victims nice and slow listening to their muffled screams. Watching the tears drip from their eyes and savoring the torment I inflicted on them. After the first three kills I started to worry about my trophies giving me away. I wanted you to know the bodies were linked after that so I started leaving the trophy from the previous killing at the site of the next killing.

For years I killed only the things society wouldn’t miss or at least wouldn’t lament missing. Drug dealers, prostitutes, homeless, and thugs were my targets. I traveled from place to place, city to city killing and moving on. Never more than one and the thugs, the predators were always my favorite. The rules always kept me alive and kept me from getting caught. You never cared that much when I killed thugs or punks.

The thing that got your attention was an accident the first time. I was in Arizona hitchhiking along. You never gave me much trouble for hitchhiking but this guy, he had to stop. He had to make trouble for a guy on a lonely road. I was nice and polite at first but the man was rude. He was really giving me a hard time for no reason. He found the bloody trophy I had kept from my last kill.

I made my move when he tried to put the handcuffs on me. I was nice and compliant and he thought he was safe. He tightened the cuff around one wrist and then started on the other, but I didn’t give him the chance. I hit him in the face with the back of my head and whirled around grabbing his neck and his gun hand. I kneed him in the groin and after a struggle he passed out. I cuffed him and went to work on him turning him into a twisted work of art and leaving the trophy from my last kill behind.

That was what hooked me, there is nothing like feeling the life drain from one of you guys. I knew after that I had to step up my game and I knew I was never going to go back to killing anyone else. The rush from killing a cop was just too intense for me to settle for anything less. Maybe it was the renewed sense of danger after so many years of killing with no fear of being caught.

After that day the game became so much more real and so much more exciting. You guys are the ultimate prey. Always with your guard up always weary of everyone around you. When I get one of you I wouldn’t have the time to play like before. I had to start killing more often and let you follow me like I had left a trail of breadcrumbs. Oh I did love the game we played.

You can’t really call it cat and mouse, can you? Who would you call the mouse? My favorite part of the game came after the chase began. It came after the fifth police officer, the one I killed in Texas. Your team showed up the day after he disappeared and this time I stayed in town. I wanted to see the lead investigator. I followed him to his hotel. I listened to him tell one of you what he thought about me. He said that I was miles away and that I would never stick around. I waited until he was asleep and I used one of the housekeeping staff keys to get into the room. I was careful and patient as I crept into his room. He would have a gun near the bed so I made sure I got to it first. I had to get him unconscious before I went to work. I was sure I would get caught but the temptation was too great.

The gun was on the nightstand and I was able to get it without a sound. I was ready with the needle and had him paralyzed before he had a chance to act. I gagged him and played with him. I made him watch every slice. I took his manhood from him and showed it to him. A detail you guys left out of the press I might add. Yes I had great fun with him and believe me if I wasn’t here I would be closer to having a bit of fun with you special agent Newbern.

You were so much fun to stalk, with that lovely family and your close knit team. Did you know how close I got to you? I suppose after I killed your predecessor you had to be looking over your shoulder a lot. You came pretty close to me in Memphis. I really thought you might get me there but you didn’t and I killed two cops. That was a two for one special, two cops married and I took them down when they were most vulnerable. I took them in the moment of passion.

I do love the new thrills. How old is your daughter special agent Newbern? I don’t blame you for not answering however the question is moot and you know it. You know that I already know and now all you can think about is calling home to see if little Katelyn is OK. You know if you do then it’ll only confirm that I’m getting to you. You know it will give me a sick thrill knowing that I have that much control over you.

So what will you do? What if I told you I had already been by your house here in Alexandria? What if I told you that your house is blue and the security system is easily bypassed by someone like me? I see it in your eyes Jerry. I see the hate, the murderous rage filling your soul as I tell you that the third step to the upstairs squeaks the loudest. That your wife was in pretty good shape for a woman her age and she was oh so sweet to touch. I see the fire in you Jerry you’re dying to pick up the phone now.

But I’m not done yet and you know it. You want to know what I did to your daughter. You want to know what I did when I crept into her room. I never killed a child before, but I must say it was something I would love to do more often. Don’t worry Jerry, I’m not a pervert, I didn’t violate her, I just cut her. I cut her a little at first then more and more until she was more to my liking. I carved her up and tied her into a fetal ball with piano wire, before I put her inside her mother and sewed her back up.

What is that Jerry? I couldn’t quite hear you. Maybe if you ask nice your friends will leave us alone so you can kill me your self. I know you want to Jerry, I know you want to now more than anything else. Mmmm I must say this has been a delightful evening, even if I did get caught. When Jerry gets back let him know that you have under-counted my kills, and if they ever want to close them then he will have to sit across the table from me as I describe each one to him. That’s the only way I’ll talk from now on.