Prison of Fear
By: Kristian Gore
Introduction ~ Year Without Fear
Introduction: A Year
Without Fear
In all the years I lived in
Los Angeles I remember one year that wasn't dominated by fear. My
mother had moved to New York and I was left in the care of my
stepfather. I was in fifth grade and it was probably the happiest
year of my childhood. It was the summer of eighty three in Long Beach
California and I would soon be starting a new school again. This year
would be the only time I really remember feeling safe at home. I
wouldn't have to worry about violent outbursts or being told I was
worthless and a burden. This was my last year in Los Angeles and part
of me knew that it wasn't going to last. I don't remember hearing
from my mom that year but I counted that as a good thing.
My mother had been a
violent and loving person in alternating moments. Life with her meant
long stretches of calm punctuated by incredibly violent rages. The
rage could come at any given moment and I never knew what would set
her off. I feared and loved my mother simultaneously though my step
father took most of the brunt of her rage. I'm not sure but I don't
think he would have allowed her to take out her frustration on me. My
stepfather was an alcoholic and a very peaceful person so when my
mother would go off he would simply take it. It was his role to
remain calm while my mother would scream and yell. When the yelling
was no longer enough she would start throwing things and breaking
things of his that had meaning to their relationship. I watched as
she tore apart the t-shirt he had gotten when we went to Grand Teton
National park. She even sprayed Windex in his face and not once did
my stepfather raise his hand to even block a punch or slap. He was a
black belt in Tae-Kwon-Do but he never hit her back or raised his
voice and to this day I respect him for that.
